Obrama gwine do what ????

Some days in the trench make you want to scream, others make you want to laugh, but some days make you just sit back and say, “WTF ???”  When you see or hear something so stupid, or absurd that you a simply amazed at the stupidity of people. Picture this, we respond to a call for someone with difficulty breathing, which sounds like a real emergency. Its a common call, what with the elderly population, asthmatics, and allergic reactions we see.  And away we go, lights and sirens blazing, ducking through traffic, scattering drivers like a covey of quail in our rush to get to our patient. We arrive at the location given, radio in letting dispatch know we’re on scene, and behold !  Lying on the concrete porch of a run down house, surrounded by trash, liquor bottles and beer cans, we see our patient, Mildred. Anyone with a scanner, or even remotely familiar with EMS will know immediately who I am speaking of.  She is perhaps one of our most infamous frequent fliers, and a major pain in the ass to EMS, Public Safety, as well as the Emergency Department staff.  Abusive, drunk, disorderly and obnoxious, she calls us all the time, for one imagined illness or the other, often just wanting a ride uptown where she can get a cup of coffee from the hospital, then go “shopping” at the  Goodwill store’s drop of point.  She generally walks out of the ER long before we can complete our trip report, cursing and yelling, only stopping to bum a cigarette or ask for a dollar, before she goes and steals a few things from the pile at the Goodwill store. On this occasion, she was sleeping off a drunk on someone’s front porch, and they called 911 because she “sounded” like she was choking.  My partner reached over and shook her awake, and she came alert swinging on him and cussing him. She jumped up and slapped him on the arm several times as she yelled, “MoFugga don’t be touching on me.”  Then she proceeded to inform him, me, and our student, that she was going to kill us, that she was sick, and that “OBRAMA gwine get yo job cause ya’ll some racist MoFuggas!” After a few minutes of this, we informed her that she could either get in the ambulance and we’d take her to the hospital, or, should she choose, she could continue her abuse and we’d arrange a ride to the jail with the police.  Mildred elected to take the ride to the hospital, and still cursing, climbed in the ambulance.  Seeing my ire, my partner elected to ride with her, and I started to climb out of the back. “OBRAMA gwine get yo job too you fat cracker MoFugga.”  ”He goan give it to ME !” was her parting shot at me. I stopped and looked at her for a minute then told her, “What the Hell would you do with it? And if he did, who would come pick you up?” I didn’t bother to wait for the answer. And as usual, before we’d completed our trip report, she’d got her cup of coffee, bummed a smoke and was headed out the door.